Why I'm not a mum ...

... because I just know it would turn out like me. And a child like me, left in my care, would not survive. Below are just a few of the idiosyncrasies my poor mother tolerated from her first born.
I was a fussy eater, wouldn't touch cheese (of any kind or anything cheese had "touched"), butter (it was practically cheese), tomatoes, beans (but I loved peas), fish (except fish fingers and the batter off fish & chips fish), shellfish, most standard sandwich fillings (hell, for years I wouldn't eat sandwiches at all), plain milk, beetroot, most fruit (and even the fruit I would eat had to be peeled), and I can't remember what else. O, and let's not forget eggs, no egg blood please.
Also, I couldn't travel for more than 5 minutes in a car without throwing up.
And then there was my fear of shop folk, so I couldn't just go and buy something, mummy had to get it for me.
I nagged pretty much solidly for a horse for 13 years (finally wearing them down, see kids, nagging does work).
I was physically incapable of cleaning up after my own dogs (more of the vomiting).
I was pathologically shy and would not mix with other children, not like all the other kids did.
Insisted on my socks matching my knickers, would not wear trousers for most of my childhood, and then there's the tag thing.
I refused to take part in any form of organised sport outside of PE at school (and took all possible steps to avoid it there too). O, and on the odd occasion I did actually play a game, my shoulder would dislocate!
On the upside, I was a nice quiet child, read and drew a lot, didn't need to be entertained constantly like a lot of kids these days.
And don't try the "but what if the child was like Mr Brown?" Because THAT would be worse. HE was hyperactive, required a change of clothes for each separate activity (I mean, you can't play being a sailor without your sailor suit can you) and participated in organised sport which I'm told parents are required to watch. And then, as an older boy, he went bush walking, and caving and abseiling and skiing and fuck-knows-what else. I'd worry to death, if I hadn't killed him for his inability to sit still first.