A conversation at the grownup table, as imagined at the kids’ table
MUM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MUM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MUM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MUM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MUM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MUM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MUM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
Go read more imagined conversations at the New Yorker.
Friday, April 27
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4 comments:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
FANTASTICO!! this is truly hootable and i am still in stitches!
That is totally hilarious.
You know, when I was little I thought the grown ups would wait till we went to bed then break out the chips, lollies and fizzy drinks. And speak of BIG grownup secrets - bastards.
Me, I thought they were deathly boring. Thought so all the way through my teenage years, and probably most of college. Maybe I still think so. Of course, now I am in the unfortunate position of being a grown up myself (under a rather loose definition of the term), so I have to use words like "sophisticated" and "intelligent" or "intriguing."
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